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January 19, 2007 - Ol' Mr. Splotchy in the news
= "a lot more fun"
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In what could be O'Reilly's sickest moment yet, Bill questioned why Shawn Hornbeck didn't try to escape
his captor. Then Bill completely lost his f'ing mind:
"The situation here for this kid looks to me to be a lot more fun than what he had under his old
parents. He didn't have to go to school. He could run around and do whatever he wanted."
If it turns out that this kid was sodomized, Bill is going to have to explain how that's better than gym class.
Now we ask, who's more sick, a man who kidnaps small boys or the guy who thinks it's fun?
You can see the complete video over at Media Matters.
Our good buddy Mark over at News Corpse
has created another brilliant Colbert-esque
Stalking Points Memo. Currently, it is
ranked number one in the Huffington Post
Contagious Festival.
Check it out by clicking on the image.
On yesterday’s Radio Factor, while discussing George W. Bush’s stagnant poll numbers, Bill
put on his leisure suit and Hai-Karate and regaled us with his latest top-secret spy adventures.
It all sounded a bit like a speed-dating riff gone bad: (Click here for the hilarious audio)
“The president’s approval ratings are not likely to get any better soon, he’s going to stay
around 30 percent, 35 percent, until there is a demonstrable win in the war on terror. You
know, if they got bin Laden, he shoots up into the 40s. Okay? If Iraq, something dramatic
happens there—which may, by the way. I can’t tell you. A lot of the stuff that was told to me
when I was in Iraq last week was off the record. But I got to tell you they gave me enormous
access. I was stunned at how much access they gave me. I mean, I sat in at the highest-
level briefings. I think they liked me. I don’t think they would have let most journalists do
that. But it was all off the record and I agreed to that. But it was fascinating to see it. So I
think there’s going to be in the next—not before Christmas but shortly after the New Year
there’s going to be some dramatic action in Iraq. I believe that’s going to happen.”
Yeah sure, Bill. Say, did they say anything about the midnight snipe hunt they want to take you
on in Fallujah?
Seriously, if Bill O’Reilly is sitting in on high-level military meetings, then the Pentagon really is
FUBAR. They might as well let Leeza Gibbons carry the Nuclear Football.
Think hard, Bill. What exactly were the admirals you met with wearing, because those very well
may have been Cher’s backup dancers.
Anyway, it’s nice to see that the Joint Chiefs’ trust in O’Reilly was well placed. He managed to
wait almost a week before tipping off the insurgents that something major was brewing.
Well, we bet you've never had a sermon written about ya.
Pastor Steve Cavallaro was raised in southern New Hampshire
by half-assed Catholics. Although he says he attended Mass
regularly, he also says it didn't affect the rest of his week.
While attending Boston University, Steve studied evolution.
Consequently, he "became convinced of creation and the reality
of God." Now, that doesn't say a lot for the Boston U. biology
department, but it does tell us a lot about ol' Steve.
He is currently the pastor of Cornerstone Community Church in
Winter Haven, Florida, which is affiliated with the Associate
Reformed Presbyterian Church.
On October 29, 2006, he decided to give a sermon about us.
Apparently, there's a good chance we are going straight to hell
for this whole "Sweet Jesus, I Hate Bill O'Reilly" thing.

We've been getting a lot of email about O'Reilly's segment on the
YouTube video of the little girl who has apparently eaten fruit from
The Tree of Knowlege. During his lead-in, Bill talked about child
abuse and then cherry-picked a segment of the video talking about
religion. Of course, Bill never mentioned that he himself was a
subject of the video. We all know that this had little to do with "child
protection" and more to do with his ego.
So here's the original video.
O'Reilly told his audience and guest that "maybe social services
could make a case, particularly if they investigated the parents, that
these parents are simply not suitable to raise a child or responsible
enough to do it."
Bill failed to mention that the video is a band promo for The Bastard
Fairies and the girl is an actress and that this was filmed by an
award-winning documentary team.
Is Bill going to start pushing for the prosecution of parents of young
actors when he doesn't approve of the script? Certainly Linda Blair
should have been taken away from her parents after filming The
Exorcist. And Dakota Fanning, I mean, well, she's not a good
example...
Patriotboy re-cut the O'Reilly piece rather awesomely. Check it.
If you'd like to learn more about the Bastard Fairies, watch this handy
little infomercial.
Oh, and here's the groovy video for Whatever.



O'Reilly discussed the new O.J. interview on last night's Factor:
"Here's a man many believe did kill those two Americans, Nicole
Brown Simpson being mother of his two children. Yet Simpson is
participating in a project that is exploiting the murders. Shamefully,
the Fox Broadcasting Unit is set to carry the program, which is simply
indefensible, and a low point in American culture. For the record, Fox
Broadcasting has nothing to do with the Fox News Channel."
Yeah, um, except that you're owned by the same parent company,
dingbat.
More from Radar. And Newshounds.
In the book Sweet Jesus, I Hate Bill O'Reilly, we discussed the possibility of a musical theater
production. We even went so far as to throw together some lyrics. Well kids, in the race to the
stage, we've been beaten to the punch… and by a guy named Igor, no less.
Mackris v. O’Reilly is the new work by Igor Keller. The oratorio (which is basically an opera
without the scenery), is for a 31-piece chamber orchestra, 32-voice chorus and three soloists,
directed by Kris Falk.
The libretto is comprised of the original court document and O’Reilly’s on-air settlement
announcement. Imagine a two-hour neo-baroque extravaganza including seven chorales, two
madrigals, three choruses, four recitatives, two instrumental entrances and numerous arias
dedicated to the sexual exploits of the most popular man in cable news.

Charles Robert Stephens - Baritone
as Bill O'Reilly
Stephens’ performances show "a committed characterization and a
voice of considerable beauty." (Opera News) He has been hailed by
The New York Times as a "baritone of smooth distinction."
Signe Mortensen - Soprano
as Andrea Mackris
Mortensen's roles include Musetta in La Boheme (Bellevue Opera),
Pamina in Magic Flute (Skagit Opera), Micaela in Carmen (Opera
Pacifica), Frasquita in Carmen (Tri-Cities Opera), Adele in Die
Fledermaus (TCO), Yum-Yum in Mikado (Skagit Opera), and
Josephine in HMS Pinafore (Northwest Savoyards)
From Newshounds: "It's the only book that has ever said anything positive
about Bill, except the six he wrote himself," Kitman told Olbermann.
But Kitman said O'Reilly wanted him to ignore the phone sex scandal involving
Andrea Mackris. (watch the video)
MOST O'REILLY MOMENT OF THE DAY
March 23, 2007 - O'Reilly conducts investigation to defend Bush. Considers submitting billable hours.
From last night's Talking Points Memo:
"Once again I am put in the position of having to defend the Bush administration, which is not my
job. My mandate is to watch the administration and everybody else who holds power in this
country. But the U.S. attorney thing is absurd, a fabricated event designed to hurt the president. All
Mr. Bush has to do is to tell Tony Snow to explain the reasons why all eight prosecutors were
replaced. But because the Bush administration is reluctant to explain anything, the media is
running wild.
The ultra-liberal Baltimore Sun writes that President Bush may have 'something awful to hide.'
And the topper comes from the Brattleboro Reformer in Vermont, which claims 'this whole affair
is too reminiscent of Watergate.' But there's not even a hint of illegality. The only way this dopey
story matters is if the Bush administration fired prosecutors who were looking into political
corruption, but there's no evidence of that.
The Factor's initial investigation shows that at least three of the fired U.S. attorneys were
controversial, to say the least. In 24 hours we've come up with plausible explanations for the
dismissal of three of the eight. But again, the White House should be doing this, not us. I'm going
to send them a bill."
Bill has officially become the co-dependent wife of the Bush Administration.
April 5, 2007 - O'Reilly wants Rosie gone. Ah, that damn free speech. Check out keeprosie.com
April 6, 2007 - O'Reilly detests Rosie spouting loony conspiracy theories. Check this out. (youtube)
Start your day with this bad boy
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Although they appreciate the national spotlight on their case, it looks as though the parents of
the two girls who were killed by a drunk driver disagree with O'Reilly on nearly every point.
WAVY TV10 reported that the parents want the focus on drunk driving laws and not on the
illegal immigration. Alison Kunhardt's father told reporters, "To me they were acting like kids.
I mean, the bigger issue has to do with the laws on drunk drivers." O'Reilly has called for the
removal of the mayor of Virgina Beach. Alison's father referred to her as "a great mayor."
Here's the video.
April 10, 2007 - Two parents of the Virignia Beach victims give their take on O'Reilly/Geraldo
When an alien lives with you in your land, do not mistreat him. The
alien living with you must be treated as one of your native-born. Love
him as yourself, for you were aliens in Egypt. I am the LORD your God.
- Leviticus 19: 33-34
April 16, 2007 - A bible verse for O'Reilly
April 19, 2007 - A couple reader submissions:
June 20, 2007 - Parody or Foreshadowing?
Last night, O'Reilly started covering the story that Colbert has been all over since day one: BEARS!
June 21, 2007 - A Classic Clip. Stern shows his genius. O'Relly shows his fear of lesbians.
Sweet Jesus, I hate Bill O'Reilly, International is an
organization dedicated to the dissemination of information
that exposes Bill O'Reilly for what he is: an ego-driven,
biased individual who spreads fear, hate and
misunderstanding. While he sees himself as a culture
warrior, his views are firmly anchored to the political right.
He works tirelessly to enrage Americans and pit them
against anything he considers "liberal" or, worse yet,
"secular". Mr. O'Reilly uses highly manipulative forms of
presentation, phrasing and, yes, "spin".
Also, he's a Class A-Moron.
Order the 2-CD set of the operatic masterpiece taken directly from the court documents.