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August 17, 2006 - O'Reilly on racial profiing
Bill’s about had it with these darn terrorists, for cripes sake. From Wednesday night’s
Talking Points Memo:
“Now it's long past time for the USA to stop the nonsense and institute profiling at
airports. We're not at war with Granny Frickett. We're at war with Muslim fanatics.
“So all young Muslims should be subjected to more scrutiny than Granny. And we should
blend some Israeli screening procedures with our own.
“For example, trained security people should receive the passenger list on every flight
and interview those people most likely to be terrorists, folks who have traveled to
Muslim countries, people who have criminal records. Passengers who are Muslims
ages 16 to 45 all should be spoken with. And if the ACLU doesn't like it, tough. This isn't
racial profiling. This is criminal profiling.”
Now, we’re guessing profiling is already going on at airports, at least informally. What do
you think your chances are of being checked if you’re an old woman flying home from
Orlando in a Sea World T-shirt versus being an Arab guy going from New York to Riyadh
carrying a dog-eared Koran and a Persian prayer rug?
As for interviewing all Muslims between 16 and 45? Well, let’s just check the National
Muslim Database, shall we? Too impractical? Then let’s make people walk around with IDs
showing their religious affiliation. Maybe the Muslim ID can include a picture of the prophet
Mohammed for easy reference.
Of course, the O’Reilly plan will engender far more resentment toward the U.S. and almost
certainly enhance our reputation as the Great Satan. But we’ll be catching a slightly higher
percentage of the new terrorists we help create!
So absent some sort of sophisticated Muslim tracking system, we’re guessing the
interviews will go something like this:
“Are you a Muslim?”
“No.”
“Are you sure, ‘cause you look kinda Muslim.”
“Dude, I’m not Muslim.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, pretty sure. Polish Catholic.”
“Care for a pork rind?”
“No.”
“Aha!”
“That’s a plain pork rind. I only eat sour cream ‘n’ onion.”
“Oh. Okay. You’re free to go, then.”
“Thanks.”
“Try not to blow up the plane, all right?”
“Sure. I mean, no.”
“Ba bye.”
“Ma’salama.”
Since the U.S. is only about 2 percent Muslim, we’re guessing this process should go pretty
smoothly. Seriously, how can it fail?
Talking Points Memo:
“Now it's long past time for the USA to stop the nonsense and institute profiling at
airports. We're not at war with Granny Frickett. We're at war with Muslim fanatics.
“So all young Muslims should be subjected to more scrutiny than Granny. And we should
blend some Israeli screening procedures with our own.
“For example, trained security people should receive the passenger list on every flight
and interview those people most likely to be terrorists, folks who have traveled to
Muslim countries, people who have criminal records. Passengers who are Muslims
ages 16 to 45 all should be spoken with. And if the ACLU doesn't like it, tough. This isn't
racial profiling. This is criminal profiling.”
Now, we’re guessing profiling is already going on at airports, at least informally. What do
you think your chances are of being checked if you’re an old woman flying home from
Orlando in a Sea World T-shirt versus being an Arab guy going from New York to Riyadh
carrying a dog-eared Koran and a Persian prayer rug?
As for interviewing all Muslims between 16 and 45? Well, let’s just check the National
Muslim Database, shall we? Too impractical? Then let’s make people walk around with IDs
showing their religious affiliation. Maybe the Muslim ID can include a picture of the prophet
Mohammed for easy reference.
Of course, the O’Reilly plan will engender far more resentment toward the U.S. and almost
certainly enhance our reputation as the Great Satan. But we’ll be catching a slightly higher
percentage of the new terrorists we help create!
So absent some sort of sophisticated Muslim tracking system, we’re guessing the
interviews will go something like this:
“Are you a Muslim?”
“No.”
“Are you sure, ‘cause you look kinda Muslim.”
“Dude, I’m not Muslim.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, pretty sure. Polish Catholic.”
“Care for a pork rind?”
“No.”
“Aha!”
“That’s a plain pork rind. I only eat sour cream ‘n’ onion.”
“Oh. Okay. You’re free to go, then.”
“Thanks.”
“Try not to blow up the plane, all right?”
“Sure. I mean, no.”
“Ba bye.”
“Ma’salama.”
Since the U.S. is only about 2 percent Muslim, we’re guessing this process should go pretty
smoothly. Seriously, how can it fail?
